What the hell am I doing?
I feel like I ask myself that question every day. I feel like actually part of being a student, a teenager, heck, even a just person, is asking that question everyday. I’ve reached a point in life when I’m starting to constantly ask myself the following: what am I doing, where am I supposed to be doing it, who the heck am I and when is the deadline for figuring it all out?
As you might have guessed, at 19 years old, I don’t really have many of the answers to those questions yet and every time I think I might have found one, something usually goes dreadfully unexpectedly.
I don’t think I’m going to find any of those answers any time soon, despite my best efforts, but I think I’ve found some little things that are starting to help me make a move in the right direction.
Life and education and other people are always, of course, a great help, but among all of those very big and should be obvious guides, I have found two other great helps in answering some of my biggest questions. Those are reading and writing.
Reading and writing has been a massive help for me throughout my entire life, often without me even realising it. I’ve navigated a lot of the hardest periods of my very short existence thus far with words; shoving my nose into books or spilling my guts onto blank pieces of paper. I’m a scrap paper scribbler, and when life throws me an unanswered question, I turn to the only two things that I’m sure I know how to do.
I’ve been thinking about those big questions I mentioned at the beginning a lot recently as September is coming up and September has always sort of functioned like New Year for me. It makes me reflect on my personal and academic growth in the past year and motivates me to do better in the next. For me, September is when all the big changes come; good and bad. I thought about all of my current projects and what I wanted to do with them in the coming academic year. And that of course brought me to this blog, which had me asking another, slightly smaller, question.
What the hell am I doing with this blog?
Or maybe the question was more like, what is the purpose of it? Originally I read and reviewed books and then I started posting a bit about writing and a bit of my own writing and then I talked a little about my life and honestly it turned into a bit of a personal dumping ground and then I got scared to post. It’s too easy to put my feelings online. I’m sure lots of you know what I mean by that.
So after some thought and reflection, I think I sort of worked out what I want this blog to be, at least for the time being. I want to chronical life through the eyes of a bookworm. I mean let’s be honest, us oddballs do have a quirky little way of seeing the world through the fantastical ideas of the book we just read. So yes, that’s the plan. I want to chronical the life of a bookworm, more specifically this bookworm. Uh, me. This will obviously include book chats and writing updates, but also how life has influenced my book chats and writing updates. How what I’ve been up to influences my reading taste and my opinions on bookish topics and how much reading I’ve been doing etc. but also how a certain book taught me how to deal with said issue or how I wrote three pages of angry crap because this thing happened. Kinda make sense?
I’m hoping this concept will allow me to share the parts of my life with you that are important, without feeling like I’m putting too much out there. You’re still getting me and my life, raw and real, just through the bookish lens. Anything you want to deduce from what you see from that is your call : p
So that’s my plan moving forward, I hope that’s interesting to you and I hope that I can produce something insightful as well as relatable and fun. I mean, I’m going to try my best! Honestly, I think it might actually be a little therapeutic for me too.