YouTube vlogs are everywhere now and they’re a lot of fun to watch. Having a nosy insight to someones life really is fascinating and it’s a wonderful way for YouTuber’s to connect with their audiences.
And yet for some reason, as of the past year or so, I’ve found them really difficult to watch.
See when YouTuber’s post their daily vlogs and document their day to day lives, it’s usually packed full of fun and friends and exciting visits to amazing places. A stylish house, countless mates, a killer career and ample opportunities, vlogs are filled with the positives and the bright sides, and it’s not that I have a problem with that, it’s just sometimes I forget.
Sometimes I forget that these are only the highlights or that these people have the ability to cut and edit out the imperfections. They can make a trip to the shop sound exciting with a bit of enthusiasm and a jump cut at the right moment. Watching these vlogs sometimes just makes me feel sad, and it’s not so much jealousy that comes over me (though that is sometimes the case), it’s more a feeling of inadequacy. I can’t stop asking myself why I’m not that happy or why I’m not that successful. I can’t understand how they can do so much in one day or how they have opportunities that I don’t. I find myself thinking that clearly I’m failing at something.
Most of my days consist of uni work and binging Netflix or putting on a smile behind a cash register. My most exciting are usually going to grab junk food with my boyfriend at our regular spot. I’d have very little vlogging material. Parties are rare, I can’t be bothered to do my makeup well on the daily and I hang out with the same small collection of people most of the time. It’s not that my life is boring, it’s normal, but just seems a bit lack luster in comparison. I realise that if I were to capture and edit my life in the same way as these YouTubers I could probably make it look much more exciting than my original description suggests.
Vlogging seems to be about capturing moments, and the good ones at that, and there are so many reasons why we should celebrate such a thing. I just think vlogging has further built up this idea of what life should be like. Whether it be someone starting a family or still in university, it creates this pristine image and the fact that they’re so popular and regular now make them seem as equally normal as any more basically routined life.
Maybe it’s because I had a bit of a tough year of it, but it was in 2017 when I realised that watching certain types of vlogs could actually bring me down heavily for a whole day. I was finding it difficult to be happy and watching someone else seemingly breeze through was exhausting. Even now I find myself in a completely different and better place, I still feel like I’m not doing enough when all these people seem to be having experiences that are worth documenting in such a way every single day, and I’m sat at home beating myself up because I have an issue with directly linking my self worth to my productivity.
I learnt to know myself well enough to know what kind of vlogs weren’t good for me personally.
I haven’t yet mastered the art of not comparing myself and my life to others and while I work on that I would rather not force myself into bad moods by watching something I know doesn’t make me feel good. And I think that’s okay. I want to think about the amazing moments in my life and let them play out in my head like a vlog, cutting out all the awkward transitions and bits in between for just a moment and then letting them back in and realising that’s what life really is.