my personal version of journaling

Reader,

I am a very introspective person. I like to think and spend a lot of time (probably almost a destructive amount of time) reflecting and thinking about how to improve myself. Though I probably do it too often, this is a part of myself that I’ve always quite appreciated because I think I’m a reasonably self aware person and I think this helps my understanding of myself and how I communicate with others. Anyway, this need and love of reflection and expression of my inner thoughts is a massive reason behind why I write and one of the ways that I write is by journaling.

I think I’ve always journaled in one way or another but I’ve never stuck to one method enough to feel qualified to talk about it or be part of the huge journaling community on the internet. My journal is not pretty and organised. My journal is just for me. It’s messy and disjointed and lots of the pages are blank or scribbled on. I would never dream of a journal flip through or show and tell. It contains my thoughts and is purely there for me to get my thoughts in order. Writing things down has always helped me this way.

I think this method of journaling has been extremely beneficial to me and in a way blogging itself has been some form of journal for me too, just one filled with the thoughts that I am more comfortable sharing. Since the whole essence of this blog is about how writing things down helps me piece together myself and my life I thought it would be a good thing to talk about here.

My journal is a bright yellow notebook with blank pages without lines and each page has a rainbow coloured edge. It’s very quirky which I like. I tend to pick pretty notebooks to use as journals as for some reason I feel more inclined to fill them and it makes me feel good to look at the book filled with my messy thoughts and still think it beautiful.

I have no order or rules for my journal. I don’t write in it every day or once a week, in fact I don’t have any sort of schedule. I write when I feel like I have to. Sometimes I just stream of consciousness write, sometimes it’ll be one sentence in the middle of the page written in tiny writing. Sometimes I draw scribbles, sometimes I stick photographs. The only rule is that I remember that nothing has to be perfect and no one is ever going to read it but me. My journal isn’t about keeping secrets. It’s not about documenting a day. It’s like a bin almost, somewhere to dump thoughts that are busy and overflowing in my brain. They don’t all have to be sad thoughts, in fact one thing that I wrote in it is a list of all the things that I could think of that made me happy. The list is still growing and it’s a great thing to refer to when I need to smile.

I think the problem with journaling is that lots of people don’t know where to start but the thing is, neither did I. I just remember feeling something really strong and needing some sort of an outlet. I picked up a notebook started writing and bam. I remember throwing out my first journal. I didn’t like some of the things that I’d written about myself or my situation. I learnt after though that journal entries are like snap shots into one moment in a lifetime and the person or head space that you were or were in at the point of writing it will probably quickly change, but you shouldn’t be ashamed about the past, but learn from it.

Journaling and writing to me mean sanity. What do they mean to you?

Leigh-Ann

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thank god for coffee shop wifi

Reader,

Deciding that you want to revamp your blog, ney, your whole life, a day before you find yourself wifi-less for a whole damn week and a half is surprisingly jerking. As you might have guessed, this is indeed the situation that I’ve found myself in and let me tell you it aint half frustrating.

So the deal goes something like this, my housemates and I have recently moved into a new home. Thing is, we forgot to sort the wifi out until we got there and as it turns out it’s much more of a hassle than we thought. A number of issues have cropped up and ultimately we have a while to wait before we can be connected again. The worst part about this is how much it’s driving us all insane. We’re all smart, creative and sensible people who have somehow been rendered useless without wifi. It’s pathetic!

For some reason I can’t seem to feel accomplished in my day. I can’t send out emails or write blog posts or catch an episode of my favourite show. I can’t mindlessly scroll twitter in my free time and I can’t internet shop. I can’t look up new recipes or workouts or places to go.  These are all things that I should really be able to live without and yet without my news updates, social media posts and google guides I feel so disconnected from the world.

I’m bored, to say the least. This is especially odd considering my two favourite things to do in the world need no wifi at all. Reading and writing are massive hobbies of mine and yet somehow the fact that they’re the only things there seems to be to do at the moment makes me feel forced to do them, and well that just takes the fun out. I miss skyping my family and friends back home and honestly I’ve been left feeling ever so slightly lonely despite being surrounded by the wonderful women I live with.

Surely you’re reading this and thinking the same things I am; for goodness sakes Leigh-Ann get a grip! Go outside and get some fresh air, enjoy the detox and reflect a little. I’m trying, I promise. It’s just much harder than I thought. I suppose that says a lot about me really, maybe about my generation. And hey I’m not saying that’s all bad. Maybe it also says a lot about our need to be connected with each other.

I suppose if anything this whole not having wifi thing has definitely made me think. That’s a good thing and a bad thing but I moved to this new place so excited to be a better me, make the little changes I’ve wanted to for so long and start to organise things and for some reason I’m having trouble doing those things without an internet connection. How odd.

I’m trying to work around the blockage stealing wifi where I can. I’m trying to get the blog back up and running again and as far as the rest of the life change stuff, maybe I can try harder not to rely so much on the internet.

All I can say for now is thank god for coffee shop wifi.

Leigh-Ann