I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube recently, particularly videos called “me at…” which are people documenting themselves at a specific time in their life so that they can look back at it later. I don’t have the talent in media to make an artsy video, but I did like the idea and so I thought I would make a blog post instead.
Me at nineteen is a lot of complicated and contradictory things and my life looks much the same.
I lost a lot of weight and I managed to find myself and lose myself all in one year and I think I’m only just starting to find myself again. I feel beautiful sometimes but my body confidence, general confidence, was found and lost too.
I’m having a hard time with my emotions and seeing myself as enough. But I’m working on it.
Me at nineteen lives away from home in England with five beautiful and wonderful friends and still misses my amazing family and friends at home. I’m still in contact with them though and this makes me happy.
Me at nineteen has a boyfriend. An amazing, supportive, intelligent, gorgeous, dorky boyfriend whom I can solidly say I am hopelessly in love with. I never thought that would happen to me, especially at nineteen.
Me at nineteen is sad and scared to see him move away.
I’m worried I’m being naive.
Me at nineteen is also sad and scared and excited to start a second year of university, to start planning my future.
I’m positive, but feel like I’m starting to have to really fight off the cynicism of adulthood.
Money is becoming increasingly important to me the less of it I have. I dislike this.
Me at nineteen is trying to get a hold of things, trying to understand and pull all my shit together.
Me at nineteen is trying to be a better person.